What a woman says in a public setting is what her husband really thinks, writes L.J. Johnson.
That’s a lesson you can apply to the office.
But if you are in a room with your spouse, Johnson says, “you should keep your mouth shut and not speak until your spouse asks questions.”
The advice is a simple but important one: “Don’t make your spouse feel uncomfortable.
Don’t say something to them that makes them feel uncomfortable.”
Johnson is a practicing OB/GYN in North Little Rock, Arkansas.
He’s the author of The Lad: A Wife’s Guide to Successful Divorce.
I talked with Johnson about the pitfalls of making your spouse uncomfortable.
L. J. Johnson is an OB/Gyn obstetrician who has practiced obstetrictorship for 40 years.
Johnson says there are three basic things that are most common mistakes that couples make: “1) You say too much” or “2) You give them too much to think about” or, 3) you talk too much about them.
The third thing that most couples do, Johnson tells me, is “talk too much.”
Johnson says a woman is better off not speaking to her husband at all, but he says, if you’re doing this with a male, “just let them know you don’t want to make them feel awkward.”
Johnson points out that the most important thing is not to make the husband feel uncomfortable, but to make him feel at ease.
The problem, Johnson said, is that “if you don (say) too much, they’ll think you’re too emotional and that you’re making them feel like they don’t have control.”
So if you tell your spouse that you are worried about her safety, “they’re going to think, ‘Why do you need to worry about my safety?'”
Johnson says if you say things that make her uncomfortable, she says, that will also make her feel like she doesn’t have the right to make her husband feel comfortable.
“She’s going to feel like you’re not being supportive of what she wants and you’re saying something that is just going to make things worse,” Johnson says.
You’re not alone in Johnson’s advice.
Many couples also say things to their spouses that are inappropriate, like telling them that their kids are going to go to a bad school.
Johnson suggests that couples should not talk about their kids, as well.
“When you tell a husband, ‘I don’t think your kids are doing well,’ he’s not going to respond to that as a compliment,” Johnson told me.
Instead, he suggests that you tell him, “I’m worried about your kids, but you’re also worried about me.”
Johnson also says that if you and your spouse have children, Johnson recommends that you let them talk to each other about the issue.
“It’s a good idea to talk about your children when you talk to your husband,” Johnson said.
You may not know if you have children yet, but your spouse can learn a lot from you, Johnson points in his article.
You should talk about the family, but it’s okay to let your spouse know that you don�t want to have kids, Johnson added.
Johnson also advises that couples talk about what’s happening in the marriage, and that is a good place to start.
“You want to talk to him about what is going on in the relationship and you want to listen to what he has to say about it,” Johnson explained.
“Don�t just say, ‘This is my wife’s fault.’
You can’t just talk about yourself. “
Johnson recommends taking time to talk.
You also should have some idea of what the person is thinking. “
We have to be honest with ourselves,” Johnson added, “and then listen to the other people and listen to how they are doing.”
You also should have some idea of what the person is thinking.
Johnson tells couples that the goal of a marriage is to help each other.
If one person says, ”I’m a little worried about you,” you need the other to say something like, “No, that’s not what we are doing.
We are trying to make sure that we’re doing the right thing.”
“You need to be able to tell your partner how your relationship is going, but also what you’re thinking about it, Johnson told us.
So if one spouse tells you, “My wife is a terrible parent,” Johnson recommends you listen to that and then say, “Well, I’m not a great parent, so I guess I’m going to tell you why.”
Johnson’s article is available on the website of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.
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